Half Baked

How is it that I’m 20 weeks pregnant? When did time start moving quite so fast? I can’t believe I’m halfway done.

I had an emotional breakthrough this week in which I realized that I AM PREGNANT. Not that I don’t think about it almost every moment of every day. I know, but somehow this week I figured it out and now I know. That statement makes no sense to anyone who hasn’t experienced the crazy pregnancy hormones.

Some stats first, then the emotions:

Weight gain: +4 lbs.

How I’m feeling: I was nauseous for weeks 6 – 8. Since then I’ve felt great. Tired. But I’ve been tired for 2 years. I think I feel better overall this time around, but it could just be that I’ve got other things going on and don’t have time to think about every little symptom.

The motion sickness is back and in full force. I’ve now puked on the bus twice (I carry barf bags) and twice the second I stepped off the bus. I spend every ride actively trying not to puke. Not as bad as with Simon, but not pleasant.

The bump: It’s definitely there! For comparison here is the 20 week belly with Simon – same shirt too. I think I was bigger with Simon.

Maternity clothes: In that awkward/annoying stage where none of my clothes fit, but most of the maternity stuff is too big. I have a few things I really love, but they are winter and it is currently 80 out.

Cravings: When I’m hungry I eat ALL. THE. THINGS. But mostly I don’t have much of an appetite.

Gender: Come back on Tuesday 🙂

Movement: I think I’ve felt something a few times. But nothing certain and not consistent. Another anterior placenta – so it might be a few more weeks.

And now the EMOTIONS.

I remember feeling not myself with Simon. Baby brain is very for me and I could not make decisions for anything and was so scattered all the time. Not the best thing when in a PhD program. Picking a stroller color brought me to tears. And do we remember the stress of the baby bedding? This time around I have a two year old to keep alive. In addition to a job that is more stressful than anticipated. And oh yeah, that pesky dissertation I’m supposedly writing. There is a lot going on and I’ve been stressed and emotional. And generally just not really happy about anything. Except that, you know, I really like my life. This week Rob reminded me that pregnancy makes me a little crazy – and it hit me. I’M PREGNANT. This explains so much. Yes, there are a lot of stress factors, but this is a big part of my feeling “off.”

So my little half-baked baby. Keep on reminding me you are there.

With Simon every moment and milestone were so exciting. While this baby was very much hoped for we weren’t really expecting it to happen so fast. The day I got a positive pregnancy test we were shocked. Excited and happy but shocked. I wasn’t at all prepared for the emotions that came with pregnancy and the thoughts of TWO. Some days it is scary to think about how we are going to do it with the space and daycare and will I ever finish school.

I didn’t realize how different things would be the second time around. I was happy and relieved at the first ultrasound to see a heartbeat, but it didn’t bring me to tears. We’ve done this before some of the mystery is gone. This is not to say that this jellybean isn’t very loved – because there is plenty of love. Just that the emotional journey is so different. We have 20 weeks to go. It’s going to fly by.