#microblogmondays fleeting moments

I turned in the first drat of my dissertation proposal last week. There are extensive revisions that need to be made this week. I’m probably hoping to have to work at night a few days because the kids are only I’m school three days and one of those is devoted to teaching. I know it’s kind of a luxury that I don’t usually have to work at night. And that we have daycare on my paltry grad student funding.
As infuriating as battling my three year old can sometimes be, I’m generally happy that I have my Mondays and Thursdays just me and the kids. I had to work hard to let go of the guilt that I wasn’t “working” on these days. I had to let go of the guilt in order to let go of the anger that they didn’t deserve for “keeping” me from my work.
I love that this morning simon went to his first ballet class. Then we went to the park. As Simon went down for a rest screaming he woke Caleb. So we are sitting on the couch where he nursed back to sleep. I have that feeling that I should put him down and utilize the double nap for writing. But this moment is fleeting. He so rarely falls asleep nursing or even in my arms anymore. So every time he does (2-3 times a week maybe) I just want to hold him and soak up the baby ness. I have to learn to let go of the guilt that accompanies being fully present in the quiet moments as I have with the active ones. I’ll give him a few more minutes of snuggled sleeping in my arms. Then I’ll think about writing. Or not.

2 thoughts on “#microblogmondays fleeting moments

  • October 6, 2014 at 10:54 pm
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    Oh, this post spoke deeply of my own brain. My own heart. That feeling of being pulled in multiple directions. And learning to enjoy the moments you’re in vs. thinking of what you’re not doing/accomplishing/etc. I’m so glad you’re carving out these spaces for yourself.

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  • October 7, 2014 at 10:41 am
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    Great post. I have All the Anxiety! when I “should” be working but choose to soak up a moment instead.

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